we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
