So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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