she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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