She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
