I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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