My sheets look like a crime scene.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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