it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Can Purell be used as lube?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
