I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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