my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
