I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
