I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
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