end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
