Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
