Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
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We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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