I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
