So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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