i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
