no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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