WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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