just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
