You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
