I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
