how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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