Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
