Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
