Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
