as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's blow job season.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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