Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
