i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
