i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
