bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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