just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize