I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
