They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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