I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
