Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
