girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
