I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
