Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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