oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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