I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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