i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
should my penis look like a turkey
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
