one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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