Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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