we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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