I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
