'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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