So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
