I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
