I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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