Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
