She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
