It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
