I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
