He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
