ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
