Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
