Already got asked if we're dating
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
