this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
