i think i have two assholes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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