That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
