I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
