These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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