only if we run a train.
done.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
