I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
