I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
