Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
