I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We don't watch enough power rangers
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
