there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
