Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
