you guys were way drunker than both of me
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
